A Ceramic Fish Joint

Stupid motherfucking migraines. Really. Why do they have to come play with me? I don't like it one bit. My tummy is very, very unhappy. I've been trying to put food in it, just so it will stop being all hurty. But now I'm all kinds of awake. Bleh.

And, so, I'm confused. I'm not going to be able to easily go back to sleep. But I woke up at like 5am. That's way too early, especially when New Years festivities happen tonight. Even if it's just hangings out…it's awake hangings out and I will die (again) if I don't sleep. But also, there are things I need to do today. Like laundry. And the store. And, dishes. And something else I'm sure. And I don't know if I should do it now, while I'm awake. Or if I should just sit, which sounds fun. And do it later, after I've napped again. Hmmm…later after nap sounds good. Mmmm…nap.

I just…I don't understand why sleep is such a freaking hard unattainable thing for me. It torments me. It's all…”You're tired Heidi…wow. Wouldn't you rather be asleeping right now? So, so tired.” And I try, and then just kinda. Lay. Horizontal. Without so much of the sleeping part. It's kinda weird. I actually slept a little last night unaided. No sleep-pills for me. Don't think my tummy could have handled any more pills, but that's besides the point. But yeah, the uhm…pain and later non-pain weirdness actually put me to sleep. Bleh, bleh, bleh.

And, I'm bored. Everyone is finally in bed, no one online for talking, cat's asleep (which is good…because she's in heat) and Wes is asleep. Don't want to go watch TV because it'll wake the cat, and she'll start screaming again, which makes me want to scoop out my ear insides with a rusty, old spoon. I can block out most of her in-heat crying. But every now and then she reaches this…decible…and it makes my back tingle in the bad way and I can't make it stop. I don't like that part at all.

Sigh. Stupid uneventful entry.

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Well, that was the most un-sleeplike sleeping I've done in a while. I managed to fall asleep around midnight. Someone had called me at about ten till twelve from a number I didn't recognize, but didn't leave voicemail. So, I'm not sure who that was. I had already received two wrong number calls yesterday, so I suppose it could have been the same. All night, I slept very fitfully, waking up every half hour or so. I'm not sure if I was afraid I'd miss my alarm and be late for work or what. Finally 5am came, and I decided to just get up. I'm oddly not tired right now, despite the small amount of sleep I've received the past two days.

Hopefully I won't receive any calls today. I really like the no-calls part of the weekend. I'm sure a holiday will be no exception.

I don't feel like getting dressed, I'm cold and kind of in a daze right now. I suppose I need to stop by my friend's to feed her cat before going to work, though. Sigh. All I wanted for Christmas is some real, restful sleep.

Bored, bored, bored bored. Man, so bored. So, I talked to my parents. That was way not fun. I did laundry. Also not fun. Did dishes, again not fun. Tried to watch my movie but it kept skipping around. I don't know if it's the DVD play or the DVD. Bah. So, watched stuff on porn stars on HBO. It was mostly meh. I'm tired from the stupid day, but not sleepy. But I have to wake up at roughly 5:15 tomorrow. Which isn't that many hours away. Stupid fucking waking up.

Wes is all sick tonight and he went to his parents. Nobody is online to talk to. I'm so freaking bored. The cat was all wanting to cuddle, but her version of cuddle really just means sleep on my neck. Which makes it hard to breathe, so I made her go away.

I realized that I have no fucking clue how to make my new haircut look all pretty. I bought a flat iron today. And, uhm..flat ironed my hair. I'm not exactly sure what it's supposed to do. Looked hella easy when the girl was doing it for me, but now I just feel retarded. Plus, so not pretty. Meh.

Bah, I guess I'll make an attempt to sleep. Though, I haven't been doing so well with that recently. Bah.

My apartment is a freaking mess right now. I'm like, all tired from the not-sleep of last night and the shopping of doom from today. Bah. I came home and the cat had not only dug all the stuff out of one bag of paper trash goodness, but knocked a pizza box + fried rice onto the floor. I know, I know…shouldn't be that fucking filthy in the first place. I've been hella tired and Wes has been all sickly for uhm…months now I guess. So trash isn't taken out as often as it should be and dishes aren't kept up with. Bah.

So, in the living room/kitchen, I've managed to put all throwawayable stuff into bags. Hopefully it can be taken out soon. I just need to do dishes now. I've done a load of laundry so that I have clean underwear and jeans. Stupid, stupid not staying clean clothes. Now, I just need to sorta conquer my bedroom. In the way that I'll throw out old flowers, put the dirty laundry in the dirty laundry home and hang the clean laundry up. And then I can think about foodstuffs. And then maybe go to sleep. Bah. Stupid freaking being responsible and stuffs. I'm all not-watching Return of the King right now while I'm cleaning. Even it's not putting me in a good mood.

Shopping was mostly successful. We spent dollars, got nifty stuff. Bought presents for people. Got myself a lime green Sharpie which is hella cool. Got a flat iron thingy too, for the prettiness of my hair. Wal*Mart on Xmas eve? Is doom. Never, ever try it. People are stupid and full of not-cheer. Went to many bookstores which is just teh_sex. I loves me some books so much. I especially loved the used book store Mel took us. Love, love, love used books. They are cheap and already used by other people. And so much goodness. And the people who owned it were all kinds of nifty, too. I liked that place a lot. I'll be going back many more times. I bought myself some books to read, but I don't even remember what I got. An Asimov book, and…hmm…maybe a Camus book. And, something. I don't even know. I tried to be sorta good. But, damn! Three dollar books! Everyone wins that way.

Ok, back to the cleaning. This part of living makes me sad.

I can't fucking sleep. No sleep for me. I tried around midnight to go to bed. I was sleepy, it didn't happen. Tried again around 1. And 2. And again at 3ish. Can't fucking sleep. It's now almost 5am. Old Skool Heidi wouldn't mind staying up till 5am. However, I am not Old Skool Heidi. I get up early, and go to bed at a reasonable hour now. Except for fucking tonight. Gah. Tomorrow is my last day off. I have mounds of laundry to do. And some shopping. And cleaning. And general stuff. And I can't be up late tomorrow night, because I am working at 6am on Saturday. Damn stupid agreeing to do overtime. Bah!

I just want to fucking sleep. I could go to CVS and buy Excedrine PM…but it'd be a good hour before they actually kicked in and put me to sleep. Which would make it 6am. And then I'd sleep through most of the morning and the beginning of the afternoon. And then I'd be sad, because I'd never go to sleep at a regular time.

And it sucks ass because I'm freaking tired and I hurt and I *want* to go to bed. I'm not all hyper and awake. Jeebus, this sucks.

In good, not-sucky news, I got my hair cut today. And I'm very happy. The pretty girl at Toni&Guy did me well. She massaged away a forming headache, and made me so pretty. I <3 my new hair. It's all…perfect and swishy and cute. It's way cool and I'm happy. Chick got a 50% tip for it because I was so happy. Yeah, good times.

Sigh. Guess I'll take a third bath of the night and see if I can induce sleep.

So, the food came. It was brought by a super yummy boy. He took all my dollars. The food, was hella awesome. I totally won tonight.

Chinese food won. Because I remembered that I really like Crab Rangoon and there wasn't any last night at the place. And, when I called, it was ten kinds of easy! No fighting with the lady on the phone. Probably this means certain doom.

So, I'm hungry. And cranky. Got home from work a wee bit ago, and yeah. I need foodstuffs.

So, my options. I could order Chinese food, make spaghetti, gnaw off my left arm, go get Chikfilet (or however it's spelled.)

Ok, so first. Chinese food. I <3 Chinese food. Especially from Tung Tung because it is teh_sex. So, Pros and Cons.

Pros:
Chinese food is yummy.
It would come to me all hot and yummy.
It would give me food to take to work tomorrow without extra effort.
There is a very good chance that it will be brought by a hot delivery boy. I like looking at yummy boys.
I would not have to leave my apartment in the frigid cold of the outside.
Chinese food is yummy.

Cons:
I would have to call to place my order. Mass confusion would ensue.
I would have to fight with the old Chinese lady to convince her that yes, they deliver to my home. Just like they have been for 2 years.
I ate Chinese food yesterday. This is only a partial con because I mostly don't care.
Every 7th time or so the food is bad.
Every 5th time the delivery guy is not hot.
I have not kept track of my odds for getting both hot+yummy this time.
It would cost dollars, of which I have few. I get paid Wednesday, though, so probably I don't need many dollars.

Yeah. Hmm. Then there's making foodstuffs. The only thing I really have to make is spaghetti, which while yummy and I could take to work I would have to not only cook the food myself, but also clean dishes in order to cook. Blah. I don't like that option.

Gnawing off my arm. Well, that would certainly be the laziest way to feed myself, but also the most painful. I suppose I'll save that as a last resort.

Going to Chikfilet. I like this option as they both let me pay by card dollars rather than real dollars, and they are usually yummy too. However, it is cold outside, my car is being mean to me and sometimes they don't give me barbeque sauce. Blah.

I'll have to think some more.