A Ceramic Fish Joint

Still sick, but not nearly as much, which is comforting. The mass stabbing pain in my sinuses has been reduced to a dull throbbing pain now. I can more or less breathe through the sniffles. And, while my temp is back up tonight, it's not quite as high as last night. Oh, and the breathing part? Doesn't hurt quite as much. I'm still coughing, but not as much as I was this morning/afternoon.

Let's just hope this trend continues cause being sick kinda sucks ass. I don't so much like it. I've been all bored outta mind mind, and too dead to really do anything. Sucks to keep bailing on people cause you feel like ick, too. Bleh.

Hopefully tomorrow I'm still feeling not as bad, and I can manage to maybe do dishes. Cause our kitchen? Is the ick. Wes doesn't do dishes, so…it's gonna be me to have to do it. I also need to do some laundry, too, but I doubt I'm up for the carrying clothes up and down lots of stairs. They can probably wait.

Sigh. I'm going to be so freaking broke because of this stupid being sick. Didn't work this week, which means no paycheck next week. And, I was already going to be really, really tight with the dollars…so this doesn't help. To make matters worse, I haven't had to be quite so frugal recently, so I'm all out of practice with it. I mean, having to live on 50 bucks for 2 weeks is never all that easy, but when you're used to having at least 100 bucks PER week for random stuff? Makes it even harder. I'll deal with it though, I guess. I mean, not much else to do…

In other news…my insurance? The crappiest ever. EVER. On Tuesday night, I tried to go to a walk-in clinic to get medicines and whatnot. My insurance wasn't accepted there, and I didn't have the $100 to cover the visit. So, I left, being all pissed. Because, mans, that's fucked up. Well, I went online to see where I could actually see someone…and…it turns out that there is nowhere I can go! Sure, hospital visits are covered, provided it's an approved emergency. Going to see a regular doctor is covered too, provided you can get an appointment. But urgent care clinics? For problems such as this? Not fucking covered. In all of Tampa bay, there are TWO urgent care clinics that can accept my insurance. And they're a significant distance away. I don't feel like driving long time to go to a doctor. The five minute drive to the close clinic totally wiped me out. It's craziness! Plus, it makes me even angrier cause I pay lots for insurance – like $35 a week! And I have a PPO, which I always assumed to be more widely accepted. Since you're all…paying more to not be told where you can and cannot go. Except for in this case, where my insurance company just likes to screw us! I was kinda mad anyways, when I realized all the stuff they won't cover. Like birth control. If you get pills prescribed, and they're covered under the prescription plan, that's fine. But it won't pay for a visit to a dr specifically for birth control, nor will it cover any other types of birth control. That's all kinds of fucked up. I mean, jeebus! What's the point of even having insurance if it's no good?!

Being sick sucks ass.

I need to go back to work cause I'm broke, but I need a fucking doctor's note because of missing. But I don't have the money to pay for even my co-pay, and today I mostly couldn't move. If I don't go to work tomorrow, I won't get a paycheck next week. That's bad. I'm thinking about maybe just going in and saying I forgot my note and dealing with it later. Or something. I don't know. I nearly went today, but kinda puttered out as I was trying to leave. This stupid sickness is bad, yo. It like, hurts to breathe and stuff. And move. And live. Yeah, badness.

Blah. Yeah, I guess I'll drag my ass in tomorrow…that way I can get a whopping like 50 dollar check next week. Gah, this sucks. So, so bad.

I did it! I'm the best ever! It only took me…..5 days I think. But I fucking did it. And mostly by myself, too, which is saying a lot. So, I've not only installed Debian, but I've upgraded my kernel AND managed to get the video card drivers installed and working for all users. I rock! It was silly, because along the way I kept realizing I was making stupid little mistakes that were fucking me up, but in the end I totally got it to work. And I had very little help. The most Wes did for me was help me configure the beast so xWindows wasn't loading at startup. And he looked over stuff for me immediately after my initial screwup.

I have to say, after the setup problems (which there weren't that many…it was all based around the video card driver – since I had to play with it..and I knew there was an updated kernel, and updating the kernel would mean I'd have to fix the video card again I did both at the same time) Debian is pretty sweet. Upgrades to most things consists of opening a terminal and putting in apt-get upgrade…or whatever. To install a program? apt-get install And it does it for you. I swear, it's easier than Windows with that part. It's really, really nice. And fast. And nice. I like it so much, and I'm sooooo proud of myself.

I do feel silly over mistakes I made though. Like, towards the end, I knew I had the drivers installed, the module was working, it was trying to load, etc, etc…but when I'd go to start xWindows I'd get an nVidia splash and that was it. Turned out I had a group for using the driver, but hadn't added my normal acct to the group. And I didn't test it in root, because I don't so much log into a GUI under root. That was kinda silly. But it was weird, because I wasn't getting any errors at that point, and knew everything was fine. Or, rather, decided everything was fine. Meh. But, the important thing is that it all works now and I'm happy.

If only I could get over this stupid death I caught from Wes. I hate being sick. I need to drag my ass into work tomorrow, though..and it's not going to be pretty. I'm anticipating going to bed soon. Maybe by like 9. I feel that freaking bad. Le sigh.

Wes was sick. Still is sick. I've been feeling weird for like two weeks or so. Thought I was depressed, which pissed me off too. Just super tired, not wanting to be around anyone, etc. Mind you, it was just a few days ago that I decided I depressed, because it made sense. Turns out I'm fucking sick. First of all, way to be in touch with your emotions, Heidi. Gah. Second, I hate being sick. This is stupid and I hate Wes. HATE. Last night, I didn't go to sleep till around 7am. Every time I tried to, I started choking. On air! That's crazy! Ok, probably it was more than just air, but still! Choking! Sleep != choking to me, and I don't like it.

So, I called off today. Mainly just because I couldn't sleep last night and knew I'd get a migraine if I went in. Now I don't know what to do. I can technically do without the money if I miss tomorrow. I mean, I need to get my car fixed Really Fucking Bad, but still. Gah. GAH! Stupidness! I'm like, all tired but not. My insides feel…wrong. Like I'm missing key components, namely the skeletal and muscular systems. Gone. Poof. Organs are all there..just the bones and muscles feel either gone or compromised. Man. This makes me so fucking angry. I hate being sick. And I'm bored along with it.

So now I wonder if I'm not really depressed and just sick. Or, if I'm both depressed AND sick. Man, this is stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Imma crawl in a hole and die now.

Johnny Carson died last night.

Can't freaking sleep. I'm so sad, all alone cause I was feeling all like..antisocial and down earlier…and I can't fucking sleep. This sucks big time.

I rule! I totally got Debian installed last night. One small problem, which couldn't be helped…the video card drivers. Apparently nVidia drivers don't come in the standard installation. Which makes no sense because I choose to do a network installation, which installs a base system then connectes to mirrors to download files and install your actual system. And, supposidly, you can use apt-get to download the right drivers, though it kept telling me it couldn't find them.

So, I have the proper installation file from nVidia now…just working on getting xWindows to not start. And to uhm, stop. Can't freaking stop the process, and I've tried editing my startup files so that the graphical interface doesn't load by default, to no avail. I assume I'm still doing something wrong. When Wes gets home, I've decided he'll help me.

Another weird thing, it didn't get the most up-to-date kernel, and I don't know why. I can upgrade it later, but swear it's hard to work on anything with an 800×600 screen resolution. Makes my eyeses burn. Yeah, I say I can update my kernel, but mind you, I've never done that myself before. Wes keeps telling me it's easy, though, so I assume I can do it. You know, after I manage to stop freaking xWindows. Gah.

Ok, geek mode off. To anyone that didn't understand that crap…I'm sorry. It makes me excited though. Like touching new Gucci prettiness and stuff.

The damn cat is in heat. Again. Right now, she's locked outside. I can still hear her screaming. From the other side of the apartment, through two closed doors. I really hope that we're able to get her fixed soon, because I'm going crazy. Can't handle the screaming cat. Plus, she's always so dirty when she's in heat. All the creepy things she says in my head are so bad. Like the “Fuck my cunt, daddy” one. Man. She looks at me and Wes and I swear I can hear her say it in a creepy Kitten voice. You know, if Kitten had a voice other than my own. Cause I talk for her and stuff. Say all the things she'd want to say.

Yeah, not only am I a geek, but I'm a crazy fucking cat lady. I'm doomed.

I've started learning Ruby today. It's surprisingly easy. I mean, I'm still in the very, very beginner stages…but damn. It's hella easy! I'm so excited about actually understanding a programming language (apart from like HTML and such…they don't really count.) Again, I'm still in the very early stages, but woo! Is fun!