A Ceramic Fish Joint

So I have a sinus infection. Bah. Just spent 60 bucks on more antibiotics, and have more meds to pick up tomorrow. I'm getting really, really fucking sick of this. I mean, Jeebus. One would think that the amount of antibiotics I took just over a month ago would have prevented me from getting a random new infection so soon, however that's apparently not the case.

It all started last week. Tuesday – got a migraine at work. Odd, as I take migraine stoppy pills which generally work. Except for how I kinda suck at taking them and only just started again like two weeks ago. Still, stupid migraine! (My migraines are partly from sinus issues and partly from unexplained neurological weirdness that the pills help.) Thursday/Friday – weird rash and itchiness from hell. And, sinus ick, but…I have a small amount of sinus ick and pain always anyways. Saturday…badness. Spent the day sneezing at work. Came home and mostly just plopped and/or died. Sunday – more badness at work. Even more sneezing and pain all day. Russell, my team lead, came over once to see if I was dead I think, then quickly ran away so as to not catch whatever death I was carrying. Then the ear pain started. Oh how it hurt. You know how when you fly, and you're starting to land, and the air pressure is all different, and it makes your ears feel like they're bursting? Yeah, that started in the low, low non-changing altitude of my cube around lunchtime on Sunday. Today I had all the fun of before, but with added dizzy! Wheee! And some confusion! I'm all trying to fix broken Blackberries and I can't think straight or see or bleh. It was mostly general badness. Sigh.

So I managed to leave a couple hours early so I could make it to a walk-in clinic while they were open. I think I traded hours with someone…or something…I'm not even sure at this point. Doctor says my ears are fine and my sinuses are crap. Pink antibiotics – Zithromax. Woo! These pills also make me feel really craptacular in special new ways! Can't wait. Luckily I only have to take them for five days. Apparently my throat is super swollen, too, and red and looks hurty. He asked if I was having problems sleeping because of the feeling like ick…I was all…uh…yeah…no sleep. So, I got some kind of narcotic cough syrup. It an antihistime with codeine. Dear, sweet codeine. Mmmmm. It also cost $40, even with insurance, for a wee bitty bottle. Damn expensive sleep, I'm thinking. He prescribed me some nasal steriods with a few refills – I used to take them when I was in high school and going to an allergist…it seems to help me not get these dumb infections. The pharmacy didn't agree with how he wrote the prescription, though, so they have to verify it tomorrow before I can pick it up. Bah.

Some interesting things about this clinic I went to. So, because I left work around rush hour traffic time and today is the first day of USF, I decided that I didn't want to go to a clinic right by campus (there are like ten billion right around campus…and I live pretty close as well.) Just figured it'd be easier to not deal with the traffic. So I go further north to the New Tampa Urgent Care clinic. Supposed to be open till 8pm M-F. It's right across from the Walgreens I like to go to, and also relatively close to my apartment. And, getting home from the place would have been pretty easy as not many people would be traveling south when I was. So, I get to the clinic…and they're closed. Closed 3 hours early. Also remember that I have no air conditioning in my car…and it's Tampa…and it's fucking hot…and traffic doesn't move so fast around 5 so there's not much air movement inside my car to keep me from dying. So, I leave to go to this other clinic….one of the ones I had already passed when I first came home…They get me in almost immediately, which kicks ass. And the people were pretty friendly, even if the doctor was less than attentive. And, as an added bonus…after you're seen by the doctor but before you're released, you're sent to wait on this bench that's neither in the waiting room nor in the examining area. It's just in the in-between, next to one side of the reception area. When the old lady who brings your paperwork and prescriptions over asks if you need a note for work/school/etc (which, in my experience, you normally have to beg to even get one) she asks if you just need a note to say you were seen by a doctor, or if you need to have time off to recouperate. That's really kind of nifty. While I realize that could be an easily abused system, it's kind of handy that they allow you to determine if you feel well enough to return to work when you're sick.

Sigh…well at least I only have one more day of work this week, then I can sleep the death away. Goodnight, Interweb.

I keep breaking out into hives. I can't tell if I'm actually allergic to something, or if I'm just crazy and my mind is just putting me into a retarded fit. I sorta freaked out at Walgreen's last night. I had just started getting hives…then I realized what was happening…so of course I started to panic. Which only made it worse. Then I'm all having problems breathing and stuff, and…it was just a bad scene. Stupid, stupid being crazy.

But it's starting again today, which is why I'm wondering if maybe I *am* allergic to something and having a reaction. Then again, I could just be extra crazy…it's always a possibility.

Heh…also, last night? After we got back from the Walgreen's? Wes was playing with Kitten. Where he was trying to hide from her. By crawling on the floor over to the corner of my doors. Behind me. And I just happened to see something dark move behind me, so of course I freak the fuck out. And, uhm. Scream. Like a banshee, he says. I gave him chest pain, and myself a little too.

I'm really not normal.

Got tickets to see Death Cab for Cutie in October earlier today. Woo! I'm excited. Like, ten kinds of excited. Of course, I would have totally forgotten about getting tickets had I not been reminded…again…that they were on sale and that I needed them. Heh. I'm only slightly retarded, promise.

Today has been…special. Spent way too much of the day getting new tires for Wes' borken car. They were two seconds from a blow-out. The one tire? Had the insides of it kinda showing. It was *bad* – way bad. But, now the front ones are all new and full of tread and rubber and everything!

Hmmm, what else. Oh, I'm going to attempt to buy a car next week. That should prove interesting. Sigh. I hate making decisions…especially about this kind of crap. I mean, jeebus. I've been driving an old-assed car for four years now. A fourth of that time? It wouldn't even go into reverse. I'm not real picky, obviously. Now it's getting bad again, though…and I refuse to put any more money into it. So, a new(er) car I will have…along with a car loan, and higher insurance premiums and all that jazz. At least this one will probably not cough for the first five minutes when I start it in the morning…I hope anyways.

Wow, I'm way uninteresting now. Suck. One day I'll be fun again….it'll be just like the old days. Promise.

So, I got the bill from my fun ER visit last month. Nine thousand dollars. Nine thousand dollars for them to tell me they didn't know what was wrong with me, here have a couple painkillers. Motherfuckers. I am so sad and angry about that. I never did hear back from the COBRA people to see if I could get back coverage during that time. So, I am planning on just sending the paperwork off to get covered by COBRA, even though I currently have insurance, and see what I can do with it. Sigh.

In other news, I've decided that I'm writing off M.O. Boy. The deciding factor isn't something that I know for sure happened, but I have a really good hunch…my spidey sense just tells me something wasn't quite right with the situation. Let me give a little background. See, this past week has been a little stressful for me. Wes' rent check bounced, I didn't have quite enough to cover it…didn't know when he was gonna get paid…stressful. I don't deal well with financial crap like that. Not when it means I get evicted. So, during this time, and a few days before when stuff was kinda tense anyways for that and other reasons and then I also wasn't home one day, boy is all pushing (via IM, of course) wanting an answer regarding my feelings for him. Well, since I actually do like him a bit, I felt that a conversation like that was best done in person. Not through IMs. Especially when I'm signed on to AIM on my phone. Well, he gets all pissy because I say we'll talk later – that I don't want to do it when I don't have much time, etc. So he starts asking more direct questions like: do you want a serious relationship with me or just planning on using me for sex? Stuff like that. Well, maybe not quite so bad at first, but it got there. And he's incredibly immature and petty, and I don't deal well with shit like that.

I certainly don't go into a relationship with an agenda. I can't say that in x amount of time it will be serious or whatever. I would hope that most people would be the same. It's kinda hard to know those things. Plus, Jason and I hadn't really done much besides fuck, honestly. Have never hung out anywhere besides my apartment. Have never hung out and not had sex. That kind of stuff. Any time I tried to have an actual conversation with him, he turned it back to the subject of sex…which normally I enjoy talking about…but that's not the way to get to know someone. So, yeah. Friday…Friday he was a complete ass. Made some really, really rude comments to me…because I hadn't been home all day and I wasn't taking the time while I was out to respond to his IMs. Once, when I was at the market or something, I happened to look at my phone and try to write enough back…but he signed off before getting all of my message. When I got home, I saw that my phone hadn't received all of what he said…and yeah. It was bad.

Anyways, I for some reason gave him the benefit of the doubt…I know I was not exactly available for a few days. But dammit, I don't think I should have to be. I don't want a relationship where I am stuck up someone's ass constantly. That sounds way unpleasant to me. I'm fiercely independent, and need a lot of alone time. I don't miss people. And I certainly don't need people around all the time. So, I decided that perhaps I was just unclear with this and that I would call him…and set things straight. Tell him that while I didn't neccesarily want to jump into a serious relationship (because hey! I don't know him yet) I did actually develop some feelings for him. That kind of stuff. It was still very unresolved, and weird…but bleh. He acted like nothing was wrong, and immediatley wanted to start hanging out again. And, you know, I was less than enthusiastic about losing sleep to spend time with him. So the next night, I wasn't feeling so hot and I cancelled plans. Didn't really talk to him Sunday or Monday. Tuesday was kinda especially busy at work, and I had a really bad headache…I told him that. He called after he got home, and I spoke to him for a few minutes. I had had a rough day, and he freaking knows I hate to talk on the phone….yet insisted on a damn conversation. I played along for a good ten minutes before hanging up.

So, all of this is stuff I really don't like. This is pretty unacceptable behavior in my book. Bugging me by calling/sending IMs constantly when he knows I can't answer…Or leaving messages like “I feel like I've scared ya off or something since ya don't wanna hang out with me anymore” every fucking day. I hate it. So much. Can't fucking stand it. It's not cute, it doesn't make me want to even speak to him when he says it. Grr. But. But what really got me today. It seems like he may have spread some shit about me at the old job. There was another guy who I used to hang out with from there…haven't spoken to in about two months…haven't seen since I quit, and haven't hung out with since…well…hmm…right around the time I moved. Anyways, this person hasn't been online in at least two months – since before I started this job. So, I notice that he was online all this week, and had sent me messages every day, but I hadn't been able to talk to him till today with working and all. And one of the things he mentioned offhandedly to me kinda coincided with the really especially nasty thing Jason said to me on Friday. Not really in an accusing sort of way, but quite the coincidence. Sigh. Never thought I'd get caught up in such a tangled web o' lies.

But, it boils down to cutting the asshole out of my life. At this point, I don't even care if he did say anything to the other person…looking back there are just so many things that make me angry about him…and so many differences that we have. It's not worth my time or effort. I'm not even hurt by any of it, just angry that I've wasted my time. I was foolish to think that a relationship would work out for me.

So, my supervisor looks at my chest rather than my…me. It's really kinda funny. I went back to his desk today to ask a question cause there was conflicting information about something…and the entire time he'd stare at my boobs then catch himself and look me in the eyes for like two seconds…then back to the boobs. I'd never noticed it before, but I'm not one to ask a whole lot of questions. (As an aside, both he and my lead told me last week they were a little worried cause I really never ask questions, but they decided my quality and stuff was good, and I'm resolving issues, and nobody is complaining. So, unless I'm tricking everyone everywhere, I guess I'm figuring stuff out fairly well.)

So yeah…back to the boobage thing. I'm not sure if it was because of what I was wearing today or not. I wore my brand spanking new Tori shirt, which is all yellow and a ringer tee and has a Tori bee buzzing around the front. It ended up being stretchier than I had originally realized, and a little bit more…uhm…transparent I guess. And the bee? The image had made buzz lines around my chest, which I'm sure makes the entire area look even more ginormous than it already is. In any case, it was damn funny. I'm always amused by people who are all kinds of transfixed by breasts.

Wow. That was really the *best* show I've ever seen. Also? Tori totally scurries everywhere she goes. Scurry to a different piano…scurry off the stage…scurry back on stage. And she was wearing the freaking hottest pair of Christian Louboutins ever. Jeebus, I wanted to fuck those shoes. Still do, kinda. Heh.

Yeah, it was a very, very good show. I'm such a happy Heidi right now.

I get to see Tori Amos finally. Yay! I'm way, way excited. Not sure how I've never got to see her live before, but yeah. Yay for tonight!

So, Wes found out the final word on the new job. He starts working on the 22nd. It's probably going to be weird to live and work with someone, although if I could handle doing it with anyone it'd be him. Plus, he's in a different group on the OTHER side of the break area thingy. So, yeah. I'm excited. I hate him for his disgusting new salary, though. They offered him more than twice what he's currently making (though he's currently horribly underpaid) and I think I probably need to kill him. Or not. Either way, I'm way happy. I think he'll dig it here…or at least I hope so.

I've been attempting to make Movable Type work on my domain again. It technically works, but since I neglected to export all the entries before moving over to the dedicated box, the install doesn't see all 500+ entries. They're all still very much there, but if I make a new entry, or rebuild the site using MT, you won't actually be able to see the entries unless you know the exact path. So, suckeh. But, it's been a nifty learning experience. I found this handy-dandy Perl script that I was able to mostly modify to export the entries in the proper format. Except for the part where I'm stuck on two of the regular expressions. And now, when I look at it, I get a migraine so bad it feels like my head is really a quasar. That was work for me yesterday. Heidi the Quasar-Head. It sucks, because I'm so fucking close to getting it to work. The one part that I can't get right, though, is the part to make it pull the full entry text. Wes made me a Python script, though. But, like..not all the way…just did all the heavy lifting of it so that I can tinker and learn how to make it into what I need. That's way neat, cause I learn best when I both have a defined agenda and have some general something to follow. Sitting down and writing the scripts from scratch would probably make me kill myself at this point.

So, yeah…one day that will work. And I'll get to use Pissypants again. I also am having issues getting MT to generate a blog for my other domain(s) due to permissions issues. I think, though, that the problem is a simple permissions one. If I remember correctly, the owner of my public folder in at least one of my domains is root, and Wes has the server pretty hunkered down so a weird request like it would be doing would just crap out. (Or maybe not…crap…I own that folder now that I look at it.) Speaking of the server, it was hax0r3d today. He still doesn't know what happened yet, but has a few ideas. It just sucked trying to get Server Beach – where it's housed – to fix a certain something he needed. But, it's back up and running, so all is good for the time being.

Uhm, hmm…I guess that's it. Oh, yeah…so…today at work? Blackberry issues all day long. Blackberry issues pretty much suck ass anyways, at least I think cause I don't really know what the hell I'm doing. So, anyways, right before my last break, I get the VP of Engineering. Blackberry not working. Today was his anniversary. And he had to drive back into the office in order to sync the device. Which didn't work anyways. So I tried running the DB cleaner script. Which errored out. Then he started having weird issues with his Outlook immediately after it errored. And, yeah. It was a bad scene. Then, I had to stop before there was a resolution anyways because of maintanance on the Blackberry servers to try to fix the issues. He was not pleased. Sigh.

Oh, the new helpdesk training class started today. It's a huge class of two people. The one chick is the lesbian that I worked with at Verizon. She's pretty nifty and I'm glad she's working here now. It's kinda funny – the helpdesk is really just a haven for ex-Verizon-employees.

Ok, now I really guess that's all. Must sleep…workie tomorrow. I love my shift, though. It's late enough that I can sleep till like 7:30 at least (I never thought that I'd ever consider 7:30 as late…) and I don't have to deal with much traffic…at least while school is out…and I get out late enough to not deal with evening rush hour. Plus, have of my work week is on the weekend, which is hella slow. And then I'm done by Tuesday thanks to the handy-dandy 4 day schedule! Yay 3 day weekend!

So goodnight, LiveJournal. Goodnight, Interweb.

So, Multiple Orgasm boy is back in my life. I never actually had the talk with him way back when I decided I couldn't stand being around him anymore. I was gonna…then I got the death-pain…and it never happened. We would talk off and on, didn't see one another cause I was way too hurty to be around people.

So, blah. I was thinking during this time that I really do enjoy being around him…and the sex is fucking awesome…and he's totally sweet…and I'm actually fairly happy when he's around (except when I go crazy) and yeah. Probably would be a good idea to at least try things with him again. Or still. Or whatever. So, yeah. I think I get way freaked out when I spend a lot of time around a person. Heidi is a solitary creature and needs much alone-time. Boyfriends usually don't understand this, as it seems to be counter-productive to the boyfriending process. Also, I tend to get a little freaked when there are actual feelings to be had for a person. I really like being all emotionally detached, and it's so hard to let even a little bit of my guard down.

So, to deal with this, I turn into a huge bitch. I pick fights about meaningless things. I get annoyed over stupid shit. (Really, what the hell did I bitch about before? It was crazy and really not worth it OR a big deal at all.) And I basically just try to distance myself as much as possible. Yeah, I'm a real catch, huh? Sigh.

So, I'm going to give it another go. I'm planning on having a nice little talk with him – when we're not fucking, of course…which is kinda rare, but not entirely bad. I need to find a happy middle ground. One where he's not up my ass every day, because I can't handle that…but still around a lot. And, other random stuff. And prolly I'll tell him about my fondness for bitchiness when I get weirded out. I mean…why deal with things when you can just alienate your friends and loved ones?

But, in other news, I'm not in pain *and* I'm having great sex again! Yay, multiple orgasms! We missed you!