A Ceramic Fish Joint

Wes and I (may) get new tattoos tomorrow. I say may because I kinda just decided earlier tonight. Because I realized that we got paid tomorrow plus the referral bonus from him coming to work with me came through this week. Which, yeah…it took me like 10 minutes to figure out today what the hell that check was for when I was looking at the pay stubs. I couldn't understand the weird off number. Like, why did I make slightly more last time, except slightly less? Yeah…I'm retarded. So, anyways…instead of doing something constructive with the dollars, I need to spend it as quickly as possible! New tattoo!

Now, here's the problem. There are tattoos I want. Ones that I need. For real. Seriously need. The first one that I want the most, but I'm most afraid of getting cause I think that it will be screwed up is MC Escher's Mobius Strip II. Cause it's fucking cool. But, every single tattoo of a mobius strip except one (which was actually this image) was really, really fucked up. This needs to be on my inner right forearm. The second one I need, thanks to Wes for the idea last week, is a velociraptor. Not just any velociraptor, though…just an image comprised of the bones of a velociraptor. I want this one big on my calf. Because, you know..velociraptors, the attacks, they come from the side. Heh. Anyways, I've not yet decided on an exact design, so I'm not quite ready for it. But that's fucking cool as hell, too. Third, I want a pisces tattoo…because I am lame. I just do. Again, I've never decided on anything that's perfect, though I did see an image of a mosaic tile in the bottom of a pool that was really pretty kickass. This, I don't know where I want, though I think it would be nifty on the top of my foot. Wes is not so sure about foot tattoos, he thinks they spoil perfectly good feet. I think he's silly…tattoos never spoil anything! Finally, I want a penguin, also because I am a really lame geek. This one could go either way…it could be nifty or really retarded. And retarded is dumb, just like a guinea pig.

So yes. In conclusion, I just don't know. Also, I am a little sad. In thinking about tattoos, he looked at the one on my back to see something about something. Anyways, I never look at it, cause…well…it's on my back. And, yeah. I kinda forget it's there. Anyways, apparently it's pretty faded and sad. That's dumb, also like a guinea pig. One day, I need to get that touched up. That makes my spine tickle in the bad way just to think about it.

I would just get something pierced, but…I dunno. I feel like I've done all that before. I've had damn near everything bedazzeled except my cunt, and I just don't really want that. While some would be nifty to have again, I dunno. Seems like I need to move on to something different. Plus, it's been almost exactly one year since my last tattoo. That's way too long.

Do you see how I'm dangerous when I have dollars? I make up things to spend them on.

Fuck. Need to buy South by Southwest tickets soon. Must remember to remember that.

It's almost 6am and I'm STILL FUCKING AWAKE. Stupid insomnia. I hate it so much. So freaking much. And, I'm in no way sleepy. I could either take a handful of sleeping pills (ick) which I usually just reserve for days I have to work thanks to the sadness they bring me. You know how taking one or two antihistimines makes you kinda dehydrated? Imagine taking like…20. Every night. It fucking hurts. Just thinking about it makes me a little nauseated. Sigh. Stupid sleep.

I have spent the night done some of the lamest things that I can't even admit to myself yet. Stupid unresolved non-feelings for stupid people.

Oooh! Wes and I ordered new shirts from Threadless tonight. They were all kinds of on sale, so we bought lots of them. I'm excited. I need to wear the Lockness Imposter one Right. Now.

Gah! Fucking wireless card! Wait. Nevermind. Really. Windows. It's all…I don't see the network. Sorry. And then two seconds later it's back. Except for sometimes not. This laptop really sucks ass. But, the couch is comfier than my desk…and I really don't like Ubuntu anyways…and I've been to lazy to burn another disk to do a new install since the first FreeBSD one failed. Plus, Firefox is being all wonky, and again…I'm just feeling lazy. So, couch and Windows and crappy laptop that tries to burn me it is.

Ugh, I'm feeling kinda puketastic. Still being awake at 6 when you're not having fun is dumb.

So, I keep getting weird calls from a private number to my cell phone. And by “keep getting” I mean this has happened like two or three times in the past month. However, I'm a mean, bitter person who hates talking on the phone…so this is a lot to me. Shut up. I do so have friends. Anyways, since I am this mean, bitter person who hates people and/or talking on the phone, not many people have this number. Except family, and uhm…like five people I mostly don't hate…and then that one boy. The (most recent) one I decided to just stop speaking to, because he wanted to get too close. Well, that, and uhmm…other stuff. But mostly that. Why boys want to have feelings, I'll never understand. So I'm wondering if it's him. Because a couple weeks before the first random middle of the night call, he sent me an email from nowhere. And then the calls started. So, yeah. Then again, it could just be some other random person calling. But now I'm all curious. And want to know who is calling. But not curious enough to, you know, pick up the phone. That's just craziness. Cause if it is him, then I'll have to remember his name…which is hard…since my phone won't tell me (and give me a nice friendly reminder of what he looked like. Shut up, memories are hard!) Just, dammit…be a nice stalker. Leave voicemail. Entertain me. Something. Jeebus. I'd do it for you.

Also, all of this is making me think about this dumb boy, because I really think it's him calling me. And I'm forgetting what it was that made me hate him so much to cut off all communication twice. This could potentially be dangerous.

So dead. Can't figure out why I'm still awake, too. I fought to stay awake all day at work, which was quite interesting. Same thing coming home. I kept having to really, seriously weigh the pros and cons of just..uhm…you know…going to sleep. I mean, sure, probably the other drivers would have been sad, but I was so tired. But here it is, like 3:30, and I'm freaking awake. Stupid insomnia. Sleeping pills are making me really sick lately, too…and I've been having to take way more than I like, so I really want to hold off on taking any if I can.

I chipped a tooth at work today. Eating soup. The hardest thing in the soup was soggy rice! Tell me crazy shit doesn't happen to me all the damn time. I can't even figure out which tooth I chipped, either. Just, one of my teeth. Sigh.

So, I take these pills for migraines, right? These seizure pills. They're really fun in that they make my limbs all tingly in the bad way, and put me in a huge haze for like 6 hours after I take one and make me not taste carbonation. I mean, I still drink soda, I just have to guess when it's flat, since it always tastes flat to me. Anyways, I'm horrible about taking pills…I always forget. Except this month, I thought I was doing well. Apparently not. I was supposed to run out on Monday. And, I'm not going to run out of pills till Friday night. I've missed FOUR days worth of pills. I knew that there were two nights I forgot to take it before I went to bed in the past couple days, but uh…I didn't think I forgot that many times. On the flip side of things, Wes remembers his medicines a little too well. He is going to run out of his prescription almost two weeks EARLY. We're insane.

Oh, so my crazy assed brother wants to come visit. Wait. My crazy assed brother wants me to obtain mass amounts of drugs for him…which…uh…like I even could anyways… And then he wants to come visit. And then he's all asking how easy it is to get a job here. And hinting about wanting to come here. I am so very much not down with that idea. I really especially don't want to support him. And, I mostly can't stand him unless I'm really fucked up. Even then, it's only in small spurts. And anyways, he always has these really grand ideas of being a drug lord…but he's bad at it. Like, real freaking bad. I'm kinda just hoping that he'll just decide to go to Mexico and wind up in jail again. And won't be able to get out as quickly this time. Or, that he'll go to prison again somewhere else in the US. That's always fun. The thing that's sorta tragic is that he just got out of prison not too long ago. Like, maybe last winter? Or spring? I dunno…he's hard to keep tabs on. But two stints in prison, been in jail in at least 7 states and in Mexico on too many occasions to count… You'd think he'd get the picture that maybe the drug lord business isn't working out for him. He's a little slow to catch on, though.

Gah, I really hope this tongue and throat syphilis clears up soon, cause it's dumb!

Also, Tylenol Sore Throat with Cool Burst Technology works really well (for like an hour or so) but tastes like Cool Burst Ass. Combined with the Chloroseptic Citrus Ass, my tummy is so sad.

When Wes gets better, I'm so gonna kick him for making me sick. The bastard.

So, I seriously think I have tongue syphilis. Ok, maybe not really, but damn…I'm in pain. And it's generally more fun to say that you have syphilis than like the flu or whatever.

Stupid hurty blisters.

Really, my supervisor. He needs to die. I cannot fucking stand having to interact with him. If I have to ask a question – the response always involves either my caller being an idiot or me being an idiot…when in reality, dumbass just doesn't fucking care to listen to me. I asked about a restriction that was put in place a couple of weeks ago…he didn't know what the hell I was talking about. Another person had to vouch for me. He still didn't believe me, or believe that was the problem that I was having until I sat down and proved it to him. And the sucky thing is that I didn't need his help – a ticket had to be routed to another group. I knew this. I knew who it had to go to. Didn't need my hand held to do so. I just wanted to see if the restriction was still supposed to be in place – and if not…maybe someone should know that, hey…it still was. But, any time I ask a question, instead of listening to me, he listens to about five words then says that my caller is an idiot and doesn't know what they're doing. Fin. I wish I were lying about this, too. One time, I had a store call about an issue…he said the manager was an idiot and wasn't going to give me any info on how to route the ticket. Because, see, it wasn't a normal issue that there was any info on, and he didn't believe that the issue was actually happening. Until someone else got a call on it. Then he came over and pretended to be nice so he could get the original ticket. Ass. Because the other person got the call, it was real…he doesn't believe me, though. Another time, I had a ticket that was routed back to me by someone when it shouldn't have been…I asked him to look at it. He never opened Remedy and gave me some canned response about something else until I came to his desk to make him answer me. He sucks. And I hate him. So much I hate him.

And, since we moved desks, I have to walk by him to get to my desk. And I want to kick him every time. Also since we moved desks, I sit under a vent thingy, so I am cold. That sucks ass, too. I got a blanket today, a red one. I'll take it to work tomorrow…hopefully it'll help. Might have to take in gloves, too. Don't laugh, it's fucking cold there.

Also, I don't think I have anything clean to wear to work tomorrow, and it's all late and I'm all tired. And I've already taken sleeping pills…and they're starting to take me. It's really gonna suck if I wake up to find no clean jeans. Sigh. I hate having to be creative with my clothes. It always ends tragically.

I hate being the one and only person in my family who knows a damn thing about computers. Because that means that I'm tech support for everyone. Generally I don't mind doing it for my parents because I really want them to get comfortable with using computers, and know that I'll be able to fix most anything for them. Granted, my fix might be “You're going to reinstall Windows – I'll tell you how” but I'm a thousand miles away, so sometimes that's what you gotta do. Actually, I don't think I've ever had them do that. Anyways, up until last Friday, I still had a copy of Windows on my computer so that I could just load Netmeeting and remote to them and take care of whatever. Because, while I do this kind of crap every day…I have to admit that I honestly don't understand Windows and I have to actually see it to know what I'm doing. It's been about 4 years since I've used it at home, and suffice to say, I'm not comfortable blindly doing anything.

This leads into a second point. Computer peripherals. I suck at them. Printers, scanners, digital cameras…whatever. I totally and completely suck ass at them. I know this, I don't pretend otherwise. Of course, my mom always seems to have problems with the printer, and she's using Windows XP which is the flavor I never used myself. So, I can never ever figure out the problem easily. And tonight, as I was trying to fight off a migraine, it happened again. She wanted to print out something stupid…like a recipe or picture or something else really, really unnecessary, and it didn't work. Fucking crappy assed printer and stupid Windows. I kick it. And, of course, I no longer have Windows thanks to the attempt to install FreeBSD last Friday (which was a failure, but not my failure…the install was working fine till it got to a certain point in reading the disk and so it stopped copying the base system. So I reinstalled Ubuntu, angrily. Cause I gave away my stable Debian disk – and I refuse to go back to Etch cause it had too many fucking problems. Not gonna fight with compiling a kernel from scratch just to install something else a day later.) So, yeah. No Windows on this computer. And Wes' laptop apparently doesn't have Netmeeting, nor could I get it to install. And so then I just gave up. Unfortunately, I told my dad I would call back tomorrow and fix it…I think this means I'm going to have to find my damn Windows disk and *shudder* put it back on. I think it might also be time to get a second hard drive, too. It'll give me more room to play with more operating systems, and will make it less of a hassle when it comes to the Windows install. The thing that really sucks is that I didn't even think that I'd need it anymore, which is why I wiped it finally. Well, that and I didn't want to think about the whole disk geometry thing. Laziness wins. But, I never go into Windows myself except in this situation. It's so fucking dumb. You really can't get away from it.

Sigh.

So Wes asked me tonight to help out in the project that he's been working on since May. Which, essentially means I get to do the images for the site since I have little programming skillz. However, he said if I'd like to try to tackle some little object thingies in Rails I could. Way fucking cool. I'm excited. Not only do I think that his project is kickass, but I'm flattered that he would want to include me in it. I've been asked to think of a simplified but unified and fucked up design. An Exploding Dog meets Why's Poignant Guide to Ruby if you will…which I can totally do. Fucked up is my thing. I'm really, really good at it.

One day I need to remember that I have domains and actually play with them again. It's so silly that I only use the free accounts…not the multiple paid for domains floating around. Hmmm. I blame regular expressions, I think.