A Ceramic Fish Joint

On Christmas day, while working, Micah looked over at me and said, “Heidi, if you could give me anything at all for Christmas, what would it be?” My answer? “Syphyllis.” Heh! What was even better, it was totally appreciated. Micah and I have this idea. We're thinking that we were placed at the end of our rows, facing an unfinished wall, beside one another, because we're the bad kids on our team. Given this exchange, and many others that we have I'm thinking it might be right. (like the day he offered me popcorn, and I thanked him for the caramel cockcorn. Totally unintentionally, but yeah.) Heh.

Other dirty things I've said recently… Wes mentioned that we needed to see the movie, the gay one. “Bareback Mountain?” Yeah. As soon as I said it, I knew it was very wrong, but…you know…couldn't figure out why. The thing is, in six months, there's totally gonna be a Bareback Mountain porn made. But I had the idea first, dammit.

Hope you're all having a nice holiday and crap. And everyone that wished me a happy xmas (Hi Carlo!), thank you – sorry I missed you. I worked – see above. Then, like the lame ass that I am, I came home and fell asleep at roughly eight-thirty pm. I am so cool. And also ninety years old, apparently. What a freaking loser.

I picked Matt up from work yesterday…and on the way home I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. In the like 15 seconds since I had last glanced his way, he had made himself into a t-shirt ninja. It was damn funny. And uhm, really cute and stuff, too.

Holy fucking crap, I'm going to SXSW in March. Time off = approved. Interactive badge = purchased. Swanky room = reserved. Poverty = guarenteed! I'm so excited. I'm not sure if Wes or anyone else is going to be able to go…but I don't even care. I'm like…so damn excited. Can't. fucking. wait.

I decided to just attend the Interactive portion, cause…well, I can't afford to stay for the whole week to be there for the Music portion, and while I'd dig the Film festival, I'm more into Interactive. So if I got both badges, the Film would just go to waste most likely, and since I haven't really been saving up dollars for this, it's prolly bad to just throw them away on something I won't use. Better to be put towards the flight. Besides, I still get to see Henry Rollins cause his presentation is going to be available for Film and Interactive peeps. Woo!

Now, here's something that I'm a little worried about. Those of you who have known me for a while know the history of my birthdays. Meaning, they suck. They suck on a scale that you mostly cannot imagine. Like, the universe opens up and pours all its hate on me at once for an entire day. It rules! Then when the day is over, it goes back to hating me just like 10 times more than everyone else. Cause, you know, I'm the downtrodden and all. Anyways, I was born on March 15th. The Ides of March. How fucking ominous is that shit? So. Interactive is over on March 14th. I realized it's not safe for *anyone* to have me flying on my birthday. I mean, really. Me? In the fucking air? So. I'm staying an extra day. I'm just kinda…well…concerned about the type of tragedy that life will bring me in Austin…on my birthday. In the past, I've had the following: well, I was born through my mom's renal failure during a blizzard, way premature with both of us nearly dying, ice storms, blizzards, a car stolen by an ex, my parents forgetting a birthday, was forced to move due to impending eviction because the landlords wouldn't fix our moldy ceiling – during the move the moving company screwed us over and charged more than twice as much and my car died (this was last year), a girl I was in a relationship with decided to “forget” to spend time with me and instead go on a date with some other chick – same one who stole my car a couple years later, and hmm…I know something else happened. The freak tornadoes were during my high school graduation, they don't count, Anyways, my birthdays are bad. On a grand scale of badness. I had one really kickass birthday, and mostly that was just cause it was AcidFest 2001. When you take that much acid, and trip for that long, the birthday can't really hurt you. Hmmm….perhaps that's the answer. Find acid in Austin.

Yeah, that's totally the plan. Well, that…or peyote.

Man, now Wes fucked a retarded guy! Retarded gay sex! I give up! I really especially can't win now. But…the thing is…he didn't even realize the guy was retarded till he had left and was at a Shell down the street. Heh. Wes = not so observant. The guy even asked if it was still on when he got there.

In other news, I'm freaking sick with the Help Desk Death. Left work early yesterday. Fell asleep at uh..I think 7pm last night. And just got up. At 12pm. I rule. I don't think I would have even had gotten up then had I not felt horribly in need of a shower. But, I felt all icky, so yeah.

And sigh. I don't want to go into the livingroom. Our apartment is all a mess. I don't wanna freaking do dishes. At all. The last time I was sick, I seriously considered buying all new ones…and I'm thinking the same this time. Really. Do dishes, or buy new? Although, if I buy new ones, I have to carry new ones inside…and I am sorta deadish. Stupid death.

So, I broke a nail having sex the other day. Not entirely sure how I managed that one, but yeah. I'm cool.

In other news, Wes just became way sluttier than me…and I'm so damn jealous. I'm the slutty roommate. Everyone knows that! When you ask, “Who's a filthy fucking whore?” The answer is generally Heidi! Sigh. On Saturday night, he managed to hook up with 5 guys…not all at once mind you. This was three seperate hookups. Also, he was on call for work. And, apparently while at the one couple's place, with some people fucking in the background…he got a call. Heh. Apparently, the remainder of his calls that night…the people were all, “uh…Wes? You uhm..still up?” Hehe.

And so now…he's gonna hook up with a FATHER AND SON! Jeebus! I'll never ever be able to top that. Except, apparently they asked if I wanted to join in, too, or something. Hehehe. That would just be too confusing, though. I'll take his sloppy seconds. Heh, that's slutty and bad.

I'm really not even sure how I can get my whore status back. Micah suggested I volunteer at the V.A. Hospital…and *ahem* utilize the stumps of an amputee. Heh. He also suggested a few other things that I'll just not visit.

Still, though. I can't even believe this. It's so not fair. I'm feeling like a damn prude next to him, now.

Oh Great Cthulhu!

I have been an extremely assiduous devotee this year.

In November, I bombed a cultist gathering (-100 points). In July, I sacrificed jennysaddiction to Cthulhu (500 points). In August, I recruited lightstarx as a new cultist (30 points). Yesterday, I prepared an ocean voyage to R'lyeh (200 points). In June, I legally changed my name to Randolph Carter (-40 points). In January, I stopped peripatetic from defiling Lovecraft's grave (-20 points).

In short, I have been very good (570 points) and deserve to be promoted to High Priest.

Your humble and obedient servant,
monkiesflingpoo

Submit your own plea to Cthulhu!

So, Target apparently has the Hello Kitty toasters that burn the face of Hello Kitty into the toast. Nevermind that I never buy bread, I need this. Like so bad. More than I ever needed the Hello Kitty vibrator that Wes bought me (but ended up giving to the tranny who worked at IHOP.) Yeah. This is so fucking cool. It's either that or the waffle maker that makes waffles with FOUR different designs. Although, I think we all can agree that it would just end in sadness. Heidi + attempted waffles. No good. I don't even like waffles. At least I think I like toast. Plus, perhaps it's a reason to buy bread! Now if I can think up a reason to buy milk…