A Ceramic Fish Joint

So it turns out that my dad’s mom is dying. It came as a bit of a shock to all of us. She apparently has a late stage lymphoma (not sure if it’s stage III or IV, I’ve heard varying reports.) According to the oncologist, she has a separate type of cancer in her stomach. Who knows. She went into the hospital last week, but I’m not sure why. That’s when they determined she had cancer. Of course, nobody bothered to tell me.

Wednesday night she was having a lot of stomach pain, and my dad spent the night with her. He finally took her to the hospital in the morning when it became unbearable. Turns out she had an ileus (a bowel obstruction) from a tumor in her stomach. On Thursday evening, while my dad was working, one of her doctors told her she has approximately 2 weeks left to live. Granted, this wasn’t the oncologist saying it…and the doctor is admittedly a quack (she told my mom that she never needed surgery to remove the giant infected mass on her liver…whole ‘nother story though.)

Some things that suck about this:
– I can’t get a straight answer from anyone. My dad isn’t even the power of attorney anymore, so he’s not talking to the doctors directly. Who is PoA? Her sister-in-law’s daughter.
– My dad downplays everything when he talks to me. My mom exaggerates everything. Meanwhile, see above. No straight answers. I have to talk to them separately, and then try to figure out the middle ground.
– My mom is really pushing my dad’s buttons right now. I keep having to remind her that this isn’t about her, instead it’s about grandma. And my dad isn’t really thinking right now.
– Because my grandma knows she’s dying soon, she wants to see her estranged son. Who happens to be her favorite. Which has always been a slap in the face to my dad. Dad stayed home, helped with the family business, spent every weekend/holiday/birthday/kid’s birthdays with his parents. After his dad died, he was up grandma’s ass constantly. With no recognition. Anyway, my uncle is estranged from all of us. And possibly from his kids – we don’t know yet. I found my one cousin on MySpace, and sent him a message. He hasn’t read it yet. My other cousin lives in the same town as the rest of my family…nobody has talked to her yet. There’s a really good chance we won’t be able to reach him before she dies.
– Also because grandma knows how soon she’s supposed to die, it sounds like she’s kind of given up. Like, she refuses to eat now. She also refuses to walk, even though just a few days ago she was driving and shopping. She has also started to wear diapers, but she’s not incontinent.
– Finally, I’m not sure what my role in this is. I would kind of like to see her before she dies. But I’m a little short on cash right now. I can make it work to go up for a weekend, but it’ll be tough. I can’t make two trips – like to visit then for the funeral – if they are in a short period of time. I just can’t afford it. And, given my choices, I think it would be better to see her alive than to mourn her death. I kind of get the feeling that she doesn’t want to see me, though.

It’s kind of weird. I always assumed my mom would die first. She’s in way worse health – despite the whole cancer thing. Her dying is going to be a lot easier. I know she doesn’t want a funeral…is completely against it, actually. She’d rather just be cremated and everyone have a drink to celebrate her life. She doesn’t want me to come in. Nor does my dad. And I’m sure the same would go when he dies. But Grandma wants to be a part of planning her funeral because it’s really important to her.

Anyway, things are weird right now. Because I’ve been thinking about her, and also because I’m a little down, I started cooking. I actually made bread last night. Like, from homemade. With yeast and everything! The only time I’ve ever made homemade bread is with my grandma – and that was many, many years ago. I’m making it again tonight…warm carby goodness is in he oven right now! I guess I should learn how to make her crack-noodles before she dies. I would be very upset if I never had her noodles again.

On the plus side, Jurassic Park is on tv right now. I love me some dinosaurs. Totally brightened my evening. That, and the slice of brownie cake that I got from the grocery store tonight. I’m eating dessert first. Because I can.

I just got my new blackberry to act as a modem for my laptop. Hurray!

(Only partially related to the previous post.) I have been in this heightened sexual state for a while now. At least for the last month, but probably shortly after I returned to Tampa.

I can’t quite explain it. It seems that I spend most of my waking hours thinking about sex, or talking about sex, or being horny. Mostly being horny. It’s so awkward to do a walk-through of the Data Center at work when you’re overly slippery in your naughty bits.

And I masturbate so much now (hah, like I didn’t before!) that I have started to kill my only vibrator. Boo. I think I…uh…clench too tightly sometimes. Which messed up the motor for rotating pearls and stuff. The nuzzly little panther still works. That’s the important part.

Well then. My pussy. What else do you not need to know?

In slightly unrelated news, I have a huge crush on the entire crew of Firefly. Even Shepherd Book. This has everything to do with me watching Serenity for the bajillionth time right now. Man, I can even imagine Zoe tying me up. Yum.

Either I need way more sex or way less sex.

So I’ve been sick for a few days now. Starting to feel better today. Which is good. Because I got the BEST surprise a couple hours ago.

Yeah. Sex. Sex is totally the best surprise. Even better is answering the door naked, because you don’t think the email saying “I’m coming over” is for real. Then getting fucked at the doorway.

Surprise sex rules!

I sort of got invited to Chicago for sex. With HotGuy that I’ve been sleeping with in Tampa. He’s out of town for work and in Chicago for a few days this week and a few days next week. And in Connecticut over the weekend. Of course, I don’t have enough time off to take a few days and go there. I could take like, one day. Which would mean I would get into town late, we’d fuck for a few hours then I’d have to leave before he gets finished with work the next day. I’m still totally tempted.

On the plus side, I get to have Hump Day Fucking tomorrow with OtherHotGuy. Which is always fun. Sometimes being single is very nice, especially when the nekkid is plentiful. Sometimes it’s not always as nice though. I mean, the sex I’m having is fucking awesome and I don’t want to give that up, but it would be nice to have something more.

I’m not entirely sure what to do. Nothing more than sex would ever come out of OtherHotGuy because of extenuating circumstances. I’m not sure about HotGuy, though. He is specifically looking for a relationship. Which is good. But I’m not sure if he sees beyond my sweet nubile ass. Heh. And I don’t want to have one of those conversations to feel him out yet.

On a trying to get to know him in out-of-the-bedroom ways, I picked up tickets for us to see Radiohead next month. Which will be a kickass time, whatever happens.

In other boy related news, I’ve missed a couple of booty calls in the past week or so. And I’ve been “talking” to a couple other guys. Dating is hard! I’m kind of wondering if I’m feeling something for HotGuy because the sex is so great, he’s – well – hot, extremely intelligent and independent. He also has a lot of very attractive female friends, some of whom he sleeps with. I can’t exactly fault him for this because I do the same. But it does make me feel intimidated. All these pictures of him with scantily clad women, all with their big boobs and small asses. Obviously I have a more robust ass, which provides ample grabbing, smacking and fucking opportunities. It’s really stupid, too. I am happy with me. Any weight I would lose would be for health reasons (slightly elevated cholesterol) and to build…uh…stamina. But the fat girl outside is afraid she can’t compete with all the hot skinny chicks.

What to do? Get over myself? Have fun? Pick up more fuckbuddies? You decide!