Recently I have been feeling really, really sick. A lot of migraines, really high blood pressures, dizzy, nauseated, hot flashes, feeling faint, etc. I’ve also been anywhere from fatigued to completely exhausted and sleeping more than I’m awake many days. So far in the past three weeks I have missed more work than I’ve attended. I even had my schedule changed because I’m so unreliable right now, starting next week I’ll be working from 12pm until 10pm Monday – Thursday. Which pretty much screws up my life, but whatever. At least it will be easier to go to the doctor when I need to, which lately has been often. I went to the ER once (and nearly went two other times) and have been to random doctors three times. Woe is me.

I really just want to feel better again. I want to be able to work. It’s not like I do anything at work right now, it’s ridiculous that I have to miss so much. But I am finding it hard to drive with the dizziness and visual problems. I find it hard to stay awake during the day. It’s hard to not run to the bathroom to vomit. It’s hard to walk through the data center and not bump into things because I’m unsteady and dizzy. My balance is way off. Walking up/down the few stairs we have is scary for me; I always stumble. I do not feel like a 28 year old woman right now. In the past year, my health has steadily declined. Every month a new problem appears. And then other things reappear. I’m having panic attacks again. The migraines had let up for a while and now they’re back like crazy. My back pain has come back from the car accident years ago and I’ve been having problems with my ankle that was broken when I first came to Tampa. I’ve even started to go to a pain management clinic in hopes that it can get under control and maybe even get some things better.

Anyway, with all this crap going on, I’ve decided to treat myself a little bit. A couple weeks ago I went to Lane Bryant and went a little overboard, but in the end saved a good bit of money. I bought a whole bunch of pants (capris and pedal pants) and skirts. I think I spent like 180 on 15 bottoms. Since most everything was one sale or clearance and I had a coupon, I saved more than I spent. Digging out my receipt, it looks like I saved over $270. Holy cow, that’s a great deal. Plus they had a promotion for the “Real Woman” dollars – where for each 50 you spend you get a coupon good for $25 off a $50 purchase. So I got three of those. They expired tonight.

Sooooo, when I realized it was expiring I ran back to Lane Bryant! Tonight I picked up tops mostly, though I saw a cute pair of pedal pants that I grabbed. Oh and two pair of french terry shorts (one for me and one for Mom.) And then the pair of pants I saw on clearance (with an extra 40% off the clearance price!) They’re a cute pair of lounge/exercise pants – black cotton capris with silver stars on the hip. They were 4 bucks! You can’t even get underwear that cheap at Lane Bryant. There was one thing I purchased full price, a really cute sundress. I had the lady add the price of everything up for me because I really wanted to stay around $150 before coupons (or $75 after.) The total? $111.11 for 11 items. This was before tax, but it was still kind of freaky and, you know, how often does something like that happen? So I bought everything. I figure I can look through it all and decide what goes with my current clothes and just return the rest.

The other thing I did was stop by Lush yesterday after work. I had a horrible day at work, and had just been feeling so bad that I wanted to treat myself. I was honestly just going to get one thing, either a new bath bomb or bubble bath…just something to make the night a little better. I got a couple of free samples, too. And of course after I bought my ONE bath bomb I was convinced to buy more things. It’s horrible, I’m easily worked over by sales people. But honestly I am happy with what I got. Everything was new for me. The ballistic was Big Blue – the one that has seaweed and sea salt. Just like a day at the beach! I’m going to use it tonight. The other stuff I got were all honey-based so I smell very sweet. I got Flying Fox shower gel; I love the scent – jasmine and honey. I’m not a big fan of the shower gels there, though…they’re kind of drying. But they make an awesome bubble bath. The other thing was Soft Coeur massage bar. It’s nicknamed “The Honeymooner” because it’s a sexy massage bar. It’s heart shaped and smells like honey and chocolate. YUM. I’ve been rubbing it on my upper arms and shoulders so I can smell it and help with the peeling skin from sunburns. Because of the last two, I got a freebie of a solid perfume in the Honey I Washed The Kids scent. Which, obviously, smells like honey (and toffee.) Got a Lily Savon sample, and two face mask samples.

Even though I’ve been making less money because of missing so much work and I don’t have the personal time to cover it, I really feel like I still need to pamper myself sometimes. So the Lush was a nice treat. The clothes are a necessity because my size has changed a little, but I’ve definitely purchased more clothing than I needed. My huge closet is overflowing with clothes. I keep trying to go through them and get rid of some/put some in storage for cooler weather but being sick and in pain has held me up.

Oh, speaking of being held up by my health – my apartment has gone all to hell. Crap all over the place and I just can’t get it cleaned up. So I’ve hired on a cleaning lady. I think it’s a cost I need to take on because physically I can’t keep up. And right now I’m so far behind that I could never get this place clean. I’m horribly embarrassed by it; I just can’t handle to push through the sick. I’m not sure what to expect from the cleaning lady, or what I’m going to get, I just hope that she doesn’t judge me too much and I come home to a beautiful place. I’m willing to pay someone to do that for me.