Hi there. Me again. Your not-so-regular narrator. I haven’t had much to say. Things suck, lots. Doctors telling me that I am lying about hurting and/or I will always be this way. Also, lose weight. When I explain that I’ve changed my diet and eat about as healthy as I can given our circumstances but exercise is damn near impossible from pain they say, “Yeah…it’s difficult.” Well thank you, genius.

And, you know. Okay. So I say this sometimes and I honestly don’t mean to brag. But I’m smart. I’m really smart about certain things. Medical stuff? Hell, I’m a fucking encyclopedia. Tech stuff, pretty darn smart too. Smart about a lot of stuff. And while my memory sucks with some things, others – like conversations – I can remember verbatim.

That said, I find it utterly insulting when I pay gobs of money to different (many different) doctors and they know less about things than I do. Or tech support people. We got DVRs (finally!) yesterday and they didn’t work. I spent hours fixing them, most of the time on the phone. Being asked to check that everything is plugged in, etc. When I went on my own and did a factory reset of one box, deducted from codes on the box (not screen as there was no image) that the box was fine but connection wasn’t – the guy was speechless. And then fought with me when I asked if there was a signal returning from either of our boxes as, per him, a digital box only transmits data one way. How then could one be charged for PPV/On Demand stuff if the box didn’t tell the company you bought it? There’s a big failure in logic.

I’m pretty sure I’m going to lose my cheap phones; soon. My SIM died for my Blackberry. I have another phone that I hate, but my primary number is the BB one. So I tried to get the company to send me another. Normally they can, but the system kept telling them to send me to employee phones. I said I needed it now and would go pick one up. Ended up buying from eBay as there is nowhere here that sells single SIMs for my provider. Now, normally care can activate this. But I think there’s some weird flag on my account. I tried getting my billing changed, which care can do…they said employee phones would have to do it. So, I’m kind of scared that they’ll have to do the SIM update. Which may mean they look into my account and find out I’m not, uh, an employee. And my (now 65/month) bill will be much, much more. A Blackberry and two regular lines? Yeah… With awesome minutes and txt and such? Yeah… It would be cheaper to get an iPhone for me and let my dad fend for himself. Except for how I have bad credit and prolly would have to sell my kidney to get one set up.

What else. Mom is still sick. Just went to my doctor’s colleague at University of MD on Friday. She has a procedure in a week. Hopefully no surgery is needed.

My car is still not my own, nor do I have another car to use. This makes me sad. Also sad is the 20,000 miles put on the car since I came home – not by me. And the insurance I pay on it each month. And the fact that when I want to go somewhere I have to actually ask because someone might need to go somewhere. I have to ask fucking permission to use my own damn car. I’ve informed my dad that if he doesn’t get another car fixed or bought by the time the next payment on his mom’s house comes in, I’m buying a copy of the title (since he managed to fuck up getting the title on it) and signing the fucker over to him. He can figure out getting it fixed to pass inspection, get it registered, get it insured. Poof. I’m done.

Also speaking of his mom’s house. Did I mention there were things she had promised me for years. For instance, her bedroom suite. It was beautiful. My dad never bothered to get the stuff. She’s been dead over a year. The guy buying it didn’t actually start buying it until April. And doesn’t even pay every month (they have an agreement where he pays x each month until it’s paid off, if he doesn’t dad can default the “loan” and take the house back to sell to someone else.) He’s missed 3 payments since April. Out of five (Sept hasn’t been paid yet, but he has till the end of the month.) Well, a couple weeks ago the guy bitched because the furniture and stuff wasn’t gone from the house. So dad gave it all to him. To sell, trash, leave there to furnish the place. Stuff that had been promised to me is gone. Not promised by my dad, but promised by my grandma. Even if she was a bitch. So very wrong.

So many things are wrong here. I am so sad here. I am so angry here. And so very stuck here, which makes it all worse.